Cruising for a boozing: 6 Stylish Accessories To Get Your Drink On
Posted on 09 August 2017
A glass of wine, an ice-cold beer, a sophisticated cocktail, a celebratory shot.... anytime people successfully inebriate it seems like happiness ensues. We as a species love to get our drink on any way, place or time we can - it's an age old pastime that never gets old. Why do you think Prohibition was such a failure? And whether you're a social drinker or a party animal, I think we can all agree that the art of public intoxication could benefit from a much-needed makeover.
Case in point: last month I had the privilege of spending a few days at the happiest place on earth: Disney World. It was hot, it was sticky and the lines for everything including the concession stands were hella long. I would've given up all the Mickey ears in the world for a personal flask right then (filled with water over booze, of course) if only it was accessible and easy to carry. That's when I realized that I find myself in this position more then I'd like to admit - concerts, road trips, jury duty, the office.... And a sneaky little sip of rosé (or good ole H2O) would really elevate these experiences for me. But what is a girl to do?
Well fear no more because countless innovative entrepreneurs have been working tirelessly around the clock to offer us a new crop of discreet personal flasks. Finally! Now we can tactfully get our drink on in public whether at work or just out for our morning jog. No more judgment or dirty looks. If you like to hit the bottle like so many of my fellow peers then read on for some of the most revolutionary hooch holders to help mask your growing alcohol problem!
The Wine Rack (available at thebeerbelly.com)
It's about time they developed a push up bra that doubles as a flask! Fellow ladies of the teeny tiny titty committee will appreciate this innovative sports bra with removable plastic "bladder" capable of holding up to 25oz of your favorite liquids. Not only will this hidden pouch endow you to Dolly Parton-sized proportions but it also touts a long drinking tube out of the side for you to sip in secrecy whenever you're feeling thirsty. And no need to worry about deflation - simply blow into the tube to replace the displaced liquid with air so your cup will never runneth under!
Bracelet Flask (available at helloblush.com)
You may have already seen these flasks floating around the interwebs as they are super popular right now. This fashionable yet functional bangle comes in an array of colors and finishes and can hold 90ml of your poison of choice. Now that's really only a couple of shots worth when you get down to it making this bracelet more ideal for, say, spiking your punch at your niece's 6th birthday party or taking your daily coffee up a notch at the office. While it does look a bit clunky and the spout tip may ultimately give it away, these bangles still are a great option to top off any outfit with. And if you stack on enough of them you can channel Iris Apfel while simultaneously imbibing your friends and coworkers in the process.
Flask Scarf (available at baxbo.com)
If you've ever been envious of the Flask Tie made for men (and who wouldn't be) then worry no more because now the Flask Scarf exists and it's just as glorious as you could imagine. Available in an array of colors and easily one size fits all, this infinity scarf is perfect for cooler weather when a gal needs a fashionable scarf to keep her neck warm. But don't be fooled! Like the Wine Rack, this scarf also comes with a hidden plastic bladder capable of holding 8 fluid oz. The secret valve just requires a little bite to start the flow of sweet, sweet liquor down your anticipating throat. Then easily tuck that valve right back into the folds of your stylish accessory and continue on your merry way!
BYOB Tampon (available at onlinesports.com)
Wearing your liquor is one way to hide it but if you're just too encumbered by unnecessary clothing and are looking for a prop that can easily be stashed away then might I suggest the BYOB Tampon? These babies look like your typical feminine hygiene product but are actually capable of holding about 1.5oz worth of liquid. Available in a pack of 5, they can simply be stashed in your purse, pocket or backpack and are almost guaranteed not to arouse any suspicion. You see how weirded out some people get when faced with the grisly details of female menstruation so one can just imagine how these tampons will fly by security unquestioned. Finally it's time to start taking advantage of our menses and using it for our benefit.
Hidden Flask Mittens (available at thisiswhyimbroke.com)
With all the global warming going on right now I find it hard to believe that we'll ever see snow again but in case we do I'll be ready to celebrate with a hot toddy *literally* in the palms of my hands as I navigate the freezing commute to work. That's because I plan on investing in these warm, fuzzy mittens that do double duty concealing a hidden pouch full of happiness within. The 3oz pouch is located in the left mitten allowing us righties (sorry left-handers) to still access metro cards and easily shove tourists out of our path. Simply fill the flask with liquid of your choice and sip gleefully from the little straw opening in the thumb. Extra bonus if said liquid is something nice and toasty warm to keep that left hand frostbite free on the journey to tipsy land.
Umbrella Flask (available at smugglemug.com)
It turns out tampons aren't the only way to smuggle booze in your bag. Meet the Umbrella Flask available in a variety of colors and prints for the most realistic fake umbrella you'll ever meet. But if you're looking for something that can shelter you from the rain then move along because these umbrellas are for liquid smuggling only. Able to hold 9oz of the good stuff, these flasks look completely innocent and are sure to go unnoticed and unchecked at the concert, the club or the theater. Plus the special no-spill safety seal will ensure the rest of your stuff stays dry and sober (unlike you!) for the remainder of the day.
Garter And Flask (available at etsy.com)
Let's be honest - some of those fashions from the Prohibition area were freaking hot and I could totally see myself rocking a garter flask with some fringe and pearls. Thankfully there are lots of creative designers on Etsy who feel the same way. Just peruse around the site a little and you're bound to discover this shop entirely dedicated to the sexy accessory. Available in an array of colors, fabrics and sizes these garters can be custom made with the flask included. And just like one of those bad girls of the 1920's, now you can slip one on under your skirt and practice your stealthy spiking moves because you're about to get a "leg" up on all those other party goers.
Interested in more ways to sneak your spirits around? The possibilities are endless - all you need is a Google Search engine and a dream. Happy drinking!